T.Scott.Kisler

I met a young woman who inspires me, she is stretching out in the name of God, because of what God called her to do. I find her story to be amazing, she is a well taken care of by her parents, but she is willing to lose that to follow what God has called her to do.  She will be entering a land where doing what she is doing can end in her death, how powerful the witness of the youth who follow God’s direction. I truly wish I had the courage to do what she is doing, I find the prospect of this enticing and desirable, maybe God will see a way for me to do this. The amazing boldness to reach within and go into the trouble areas where even speaking the name of Jesus may cause your death. I pray right now that God protect all the missionaries out in the world that they have what the need to show the love of Jesus. So great is the love of our Lord, that he came to earth as a baby to minister to all, for the love of us, Jesus then took all of our sin punishment on himself crucified on the cross! Then he died was put in the grave for three days he lay dead, then he rose from the Dead to become our defense as long as we Believe in Gods Son Jesus we can have everlasting life. Praise God for his Grace, and Mercy.

Oh Lord God I find myself troubled with the battle within, sadness fills my soul.

The regrets of my life overwhelm me, the loss of my wife disturbs my soul.

When I leave my home, I am confronted with the world it disheartens what I believe,

My soul cries for the world and wishes for your return.

Lord oh Lord how long must we who love you wait for your return.

But we will wait for the return of our Lord and praise you every day.

Until time comes when all are called away, and judgement is called.

We who believe in Jesus, will continue to lift our praises to you oh God,

You oh Lord God who Gave us your Son Jesus to die for the sins of the world.

You who raised Jesus from the dead and saved all who believe in your son Jesus.

I will praise you in my sadness, I will praise you in my battle, and I will praise you when my heart is disheartened.

I love you Lord Jesus; you comfort my heart every hour of my distress, you forgive me for my moments of disbelief.

For you oh Lord have saved my soul, I love you Lord, I will love you forever oh Lord, as I will love my Martha who is now in your care till we meet again.

I took a nap and I wish that the dream I had did not disturb me so much. This has become normal for me lately. I bought a sleep number bed when I could, it is wonderful it keeps track of my sleep patterns and tells me when I did not sleep well. The only problem is apparently I do not sleep well very often.

 This is because my mind will not allow problems in my life to go away. My brain must figure out the issues from the days, weeks, or months, until it comes up with the solutions to every problem it faces. I do not know about you, but I personally would like to have a good dream occasionally.

There is an inherent problem, when you are lonely, the person you talk to is yourself or God, I personally talk to God a lot. The bible says be still and listen for the still small voice, God often talks in a whisper. Do you not wish he would get in your face and yell at you? Like hey you get back in line, do the job I gave you, but we would probably stand up and say what job? I have not heard what that job is, God I did not hear you when you told me what you want me to do! Either I am deaf in my spirit and you need to speak up, or you did not tell me what that Job is!

 I am now reminded what happened to Balaam in the past, God told him multiple times and then he gives the answer through a Donkey speaking to Balaam. Saying why did you strike me I was protecting you from yourself. Then Balaam finally listens, then he goes and blesses Israel because that is what God told him to do in the first place.

I know what I am saying this sounds terrible for a true believer in Jesus, but hey I am only Human, a stiff-necked Human at that! What that means is I am a little deaf and wish God would Just yell at me like he did Balaam. Then maybe I would do what he wants me to do, just like Jesus did for Saul before he became Paul now that is a wake-up call!

Ok now that is enough of my complaining about what I do not know. Hear is what I do know, I know God loves me, I know Jesus died for me, so I may approach God with confidence knowing he will listen. That means I need to listen to him I need to be quiet, listen when he calls, and when he calls, say yes lord what ever you need. This is what Samuel was told to do when three times God called, and he ran to Eli. This is what I need to do so tonight when God calls and wakes me up, I need to say yes lord I will do whatever you need me to do. Because that is what I am asking God to do for me, to call me and tell me what I need to do. I believe he will do this because I believe in him, and he loves me.

Trying to focus on God

         When sequestered by forces beyond your control, focus wavers. Instead of focus  distraction, seek to take your mind off the situation going on around you. If you are single any distraction can be exciting for the moment but eventually that is not enough.  When you have finished all the shows you wanted to watch, when you have bounced that ball against the wall till your arm hurts, when you have tormented the cat with the dangly toy until the cat seeks a quiet dark corner under the bed, you get the picture, WHAT do you do? I personally know this is true because I Just finished two series I personally wanted to see, bounced the ball, tormented the cat, and now where do I go?  

Well, in these still small moments, if anger doesn’t win and send you or I reeling, a new focus is needed.  Perhaps, you and I both need to consider how we got to this point?  Virus, ok, but perhaps God is tapping on our shoulders.  Maybe we need a new focus, one we can only find when the distractions grow thin.

What do I believe? What do you believe?

         What kind of God do you believe in, what can he do, how does it affect your life? These are just a few questions easily answered by looking in the Bible. Maybe it is time to dig that Bible you received from Great Aunt Hetty along with socks for Christmas when you were twelve out from under the bed—you may even catch a glimpse of the cat—or you can download it for free onto your phone.   God has promised so many things, that you just need to look. These promises have simple conditions to see them fulfilled, but unlike people God always does what he says.  God always keeps his promises..

May I suggest you begin your reading in the New Testament, the book of John, which is the fourth book. 

For instance,  as you read consider where you are in your relationship with Jesus.  Have you taken a moment to consider the Jesus who died for you, so YOU could begin to live the abundant and eternal life, that God desires for you.

         John 3:16 “for God so loved all of that he sent his son Jesus to fulfill the law and to take the punishment for our sin.

He was scourged, beaten, and crucified on the cross, then Jesus rose from the grave after three days dead”.

That may be hard to comprehend, but give it some focus, at least as much as you and I were giving that series we were watching.  It may be difficult at first, but I am here as are others to answer questions.

How hard is it to believe this?  That depends.  For those who have made this commitment it may not be that complicated., For those who deny Gods existence, or who deliberately defy Gods laws the journey may be mind boggling. But if you read as if God were speaking to you, if you and I desire love, real love there is healing power.  

May I suggest two ways to test the truth of John 3:16

• Read or watch THE CASE FOR CHRIST by Lee Strobel, who as an atheist set out to disprove the risen lord Jesus, only to find the risen Lord Jesus for himself because he found the evidence for faith in Jesus overwhelming! How can we not believe, in Jesus?
• Comment below and perhaps we can begin a dialog about Jesus and what focusing on Him can do for your life and what your life can mean to others.

Give it shot.  At least till the cat comes out.

Do not hesitate to know Jesus for he wants to know you!

Good thoughts in bad times

Psalms 12, for the Godly man stopped appearing: for the faithful fail from among the children of men. They speak vanity everyone with his neighbor: with flattering lips and with a double heart do they speak. The lord shall cut off flattering lips, and the tongue that speaks proud things: Who have said, with our tongue we will prevail; our lips are our own; who is the lord over us?

For the oppression of the poor, for the sighs of the needy, the Lord says now I will rise, I will protect him from him that uses proud words to humiliate him.

The words of the Lord are pure words; like silver placed in a furnace and purified seven times. Thou shalt keep them, O Lord, thou shalt preserve them from this generation forever. The wicked walk on every side when the vilest men are exalted.

         During these times of distress, loss of jobs, I have noticed some good from this time. Let us talk about how our churches have move from inside the walls of a building, to the internet so that those who truly need the word of God in their lives can hear it from their Pastors. How instead of being inside a building they are outside giving the gospel, to anyone who can hear from their cars. Imagine all those who are driving by hearing what God has said.

 Isaiah 55:10-12 spells it out like this, as rain falls to the earth and does not return but waters the earth, Gods word goes out and completes its work as God desires, so go out with Joy be guided along in peace. Knowing this from Gods heart to yours, all of what has happened is for the glory of God to allow us to preach the Gospel to everyone who God desires to reach before he calls us all home. Beware for the time is at hand only a few items left before the rapture of the church so please reach out for now is the time.

Mother’s Day

When I think about this day, I think of four great Mothers, the first was my late wife Martha. She was a mother to my children as well as many other children over the years. She had a way of telling the truth to these children without diminishing their spark. All I can say is she was beyond great. My Mom loves with all her heart and we knew this growing up, my mom always planning for the next thing. She would create these plans and when they failed, she would get frustrated and upset but then turn around and come up with another plan. The next was Grandma Ivy always loving always caring and a smile when she saw us. Then finally little Grandma Kisler we called her this because she was not very tall, as a matter of fact she was a rosy the riveter during world war II. These great Mother’s all had an impact on my life they are incredible and deserve this day.

Today I began to deal with trash or memories I do not like or want, guess grief is not over. But when do you let go and move on, or should I say when will I learn that life is more difficult than I want it to be? Jesus said, “And whoever does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” Mathew 10:38. What is my cross and why do I bare it at all?

           I woke up truly angry today not knowing why so to fight off the anger I decided to clean up the front room, did I finish? No but the anger I felt when I woke up did not go away either. Who am I angry with I do not know, but this feeling is overwhelming me today? The worst part is I promised myself I will not let the sun set on my anger and it did today.  Now I do not know what to do about this problem I pray, and the anger does not go away. Why am I so angry, who am I angry with, I do not know but I will figure it out before sunrise. This is because I have a God who loves me and cares about me. I will read my bible and learn more about who I am, what is my cross to bear.

 God loves you; He loves me so; he will help me understand my anger today. I will figure out what my cross is, (ie: my purpose) and I will move forward. Have you figured out your Cross or as I said in the last sentence your purpose yet? If you have not look in to it through the Scriptures you will find it eventually.  

Forgive me I have not written in a while because I allowed the devil to distract me, with a woman. No, I never met her only had pictures, and by all accounts she was beautiful. But darkness laid inside her, this darkness was caused by her extreme wealth. I am not totally sure she was wealthy, but she spoke in a way that made me believe she was. She would make me feel good with words, but her actions created tests, to see if I would take risks that strayed from what I knew to be right. Tragically, I developed feelings for her only to get hurt, and it is hard to shake because a part of me still loves her.

           I will not go into further details but, as sure as the ground that you walk on is solid, the devil accomplished his goal for a short period of time. I had stopped fighting the devil, who brings only destruction upon us with sweet words. Sweet words spoken by someone you are growing close to plays on the emotions in an attempt to lead them into sin is a favorite tool of the enemy.  This distraction confirms that my grief work, the steps I need to heal my heart and build my relationships with God, my family, and my friends, has not been completed.  It took the loss of another friend to show me what I had allowed to happen.

I had known my friend for seventeen years and his death came after a long illness.  He believed In Jesus, so I know I will see him again. His wife asked me to come see him before he passed away, but while I was on my way he died.

The moment I walked into the house, the smell of death overwhelmed me. Memories of Martha’s death blindsided me.  I remembered so vividly it was as if I were transported back to the last moments at her bedside and to moments that followed.  Clearly, God awakened me to how I had wandered off the path chasing an illusion of the devil.  He drew me back into His light and His embrace. I had let evil almost pull me down. The devil had attempted to distract me and prevent the healing and restoration God has for me. Why evil would place this as a priority, I do not know.  Apart from this blog, what God has planned for me, remains in the shadows, but He has shown me my grief journey has not concluded.

So please forgive me for being distracted, I love you all.   In Jesus, may Gods peace be with you!

I am truly amazed at how God has everything written out for all of us. We have all heard the statement Basic, Instructions, Before, Leaving, Earth or Bible.

I recently allowed my Bible to fall open and what did I find? Psalm 11, the lord is our refuge. Here God through the psalms tells us that our enemy’s load up arrows to shoot through the heart. They lay snares to destroy the foundations of our faith, without the foundations how can the righteous stand. It goes on to say, God judges the righteous but the wicked soul he hates, and they will be snared, fire and brimstone, a horrible tempest this shall be their portion and cup. For the righteous the lord loves, his countenance beholds the upright.           

This reference opened to me at a time of great trial, and stress, this showed me why I felt so tested right now. I also felt as though I had been hurt by the wicked. God showed me his plans for those who set out to harm the righteous, in this passage. I vowed to let him take care of them, who set out to do me harm.

Love through Jesus

loneliness

           I believe in Jesus, getting a hug from him is hard especially during this time in our history. I believe that every hug from a believer is a hug from God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. This leaves me with this thought as we are prevented from hugging during this time, we find ourselves feeling lost, lonely, and afraid.

God is always there for you, pray with me now, “ Lord you are my life, my heart, forgive me for every trespass I have committed, please end this loneliness end this silent suffering, help me to defeat the temptations in my life, grant me peace and understanding, Hug me with your spirit in these trying times.”

 I love you all, may God bless your rest today.

When time stops

Martha was speaking to people that were not visible to anyone but her. When I asked, who she was speaking to she said, “My Mom and someone you will meet in person today.” It was one of my daily visits to her at the rehab facility where she resided after her stroke in June 2019.

Soon after that visit she called the pastor of our church insistent that he come to the rehab hospital to see her. When he got there Martha regaled him with how her funeral should be conducted, including no black and everyone wearing galoshes because there was going to be a flood from all the tears. That same evening or maybe the next day, she insisted that Tammy, Seth’s wife come and see her.

Tammy brought friends. That thrilled her. Martha even as her body failed her was energized by being with people. The loneliness she experienced in the skilled care unit was emotionally debilitating. So surrounded by Tammy and friends she had a good time with Tammy. Before the visit ended Martha confided in Tammy, telling her that her stepfather, Chuck would be joining her in heaven next. This did not go over well, so in Martha fashion, always seeking to lighten the mood when things got too heavy or too sad, she looked into Tammy’s eyes and said to her “too Soon huh”.

Two days later Martha had her “Final Strokes”. With no other options we let her go. Believe me it was TOO SOON. I was suddenly alone. A few months later Tammy’s stepdad joined her.
When she took her last breath, time stopped dead for me, my brain shut off, the world probably kept right on spinning, but I got stuck. If you talked to me during that time, take my word for it, I was not there. It was as if aliens had taken over my body and mind. And there was nothing I could do about it.

So for five months, my eyes glazed over internally. God let me drift. He continued to carry me. Until, one day, out of the blue, time got a jumpstart and I faced the reality of what the previous five months had done. I realized I had to do something to climb out of this place I was in. My mom suggested this verse for me to consider:
“I waited patiently for the LORD. He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of destruction, out of the sticky mud. He stood me on a rock and made my feet steady.”‭‭Psalms‬ ‭40:1-2‬ ‭NCV‬‬

So there I was, covered in mud, sticky, icky, but on the rock, scouring the area for potential hazards, assessing my situation following the stoppage of time, and still pretty sure there was a goose or two left to fend off. But sure of one thing. Life with Martha taught me to value family, friends, church, God. She taught me to work hard, play often, and pray constantly. She helped me learn to laugh at myself without diminishing my self worth…always encouraging me to try to see myself thru her eyes and God’s heart.

Additionally, Martha told me in our time together, if she died, I had to move on find a new love, not to replace her—as if that would ever be possible—but to share the goodness of life and the love God has placed in my heart.
I never knew I would have to do that. But my eyes opened, and I realized I do not want to be alone.

 Three A.M. The voices linger on that delicate boundary between dream and reality. I awaken abruptly, shuddering. Reaching over, I turn on the light. As real as the dream seemed, I find myself alone. It is yet another night of interrupted sleep. My eyes scan the room. I am drenched in a cold sweat, such was the intensity of the dream. A recurring dream, so vivid I can almost catch a whiff of her cologne, feel the touch of her skin, and hear the now fading conversation. So vivid I can hardly believe it was a dream. These fragments challenge my fragile attempts to ward off the depression they bring. It does not always happen, but I do not know which dreams will weave their way into my mood and motivation for the day ahead. Only God knows if it will or not.

I begin to pray for the person I saw in my dream. This alleviates the cold sweat. But then, as if to taunt me and halt my prayers, while I am wide awake—or at least I think I am—a presence enters the room to remind me of what I have lost.  Thus, it is at THREE A.M., the demon of depression whispers into my ear. I echo this whisper, Then the overwhelming silence of his room becomes a room of depression. The name of the enemy is depression.

Depression, one more result of the Fall, one more arrow in the enemy’s quiver designed to produce stagnation and death. In this world, I will have depression, but I take heart knowing Christ has overcome the world. In these moments of despair, I have only one choice, one place to go as I cry; I remember Jesus and begin to pray. Depression continues its attack with its blades of despair, only to find God’s angels appearing and defending me, lifting me above the gloom, prodding me, at times kicking me in the rear.

In another part of the world, a saint of God awakens with a start. This saint of God begins to pray, asking for protection from depression, for whom they do not know. The angels defending me suddenly have more power to defeat Depression and send it on its way. Not permanently, not yet anyway, for this must be defeated over time and through prayer. I am reminded that I am not the only one praying to overcome. I am reminded that when God prompts me to pray for someone else, I need to stop right there and PRAY. As alone as I feel, I am not alone.

This is the nature of Grief; it must be worked through, but it cannot be defeated without God’s help. It is not a foot race—fortunately because I am in no shape for a foot race, it is a journey. Can the other side of grief be reached without God? It can. Can Christians shove grief down and deny it until it eats them alive? They can. But with Christ, the journey rests in the understanding that God has brought you through before and He will bring you through again. Perseverance builds character and character builds hope. It takes much longer without His help. Denial can destroy the individual or damage one’s witness for Christ. Failure to grieve and lack of support can cause a person to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol or end up on multiple prescription medications just to cope.

Depression, I know your name. But let me make it clear, we are not friends. You are not a welcome guest in my home or mind.

SO IN JESUS NAME DEPRESION YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.

Out and About with my Uncle Tom

The day after my Uncle Terry’s Homegoing Service, my Mom asked me to take my Uncle Tom to lunch so they could travel back to Enid for the Internment Service scheduled for early afternoon.  Tom simply was not physically or emotionally up for yet another reminder of the loss of his brother.  So, I was out and about with my Uncle Tom.

I have always known he is a good man. When he was a boy he spent months in Children’s Hospital in Oklahoma City with a chronic kidney disease.  He studied watch repair and then moved to carpentry building display cabinets until the orders ran dry.   He never married.  As far as I know, he never dated anyone. He spent his life taking care of my Grandmother until he had a major stroke.  She went to stay with my brother and his family, passing away 18 months later.  Following his stroke, he went to live with my parents and has not been fully able to care for himself for awhile now. I remember how he loved to work on crafts with my grandmother and how they would sell them to make ends meet. He selflessly took care of his mother until he could no longer take care of her himself.

He mentioned something today about not breaking down and crying at his brother’s funeral, how important to him it was that he did not cry even at his own mother’s funeral.

I tried to explain how important it was that he allow himself to cry but he said, “no its better this way”. I love my uncle Tom but he holds back his emotions so no one can see them. Through my experience of loss on a very personal level, I have found that being strong not showing emotions is at best destructive. What happens when you hold back the devastation of grief is simple. It eats you alive, and in most cases where people do this they die inside a little at a time until only hurt remains. When you are all hurt and no relief in sight it eventually kills you.

We have seen it throughout history, when a spouse or a very close relative passes away the one closest to them passes within a year of there death. Is this because they had to be strong, I am not for sure, but I do believe it has something to do with it. Grief will be destructive if you do not deal with it move through each stage eventually if you do nothing it will kill you.

 Grief affects you both mentally and physically, without regard to how strong an individual you are, there is no way to avoid it. My question is why do we as humans hang on to a destructive pattern?

 I am not sure of the answer to this, I am not sure anyone knows who taught us humans to hold back, our emotions. But you hear it in movies all the time, “don’t cry hold on to that, and use it to fight”. But what do you do, when there is no one to fight, when it’s grief that is your enemy! Let that hurt go and let God help you defeat Grief.

Out and About with my Uncle Tom

The day after my Uncle Terry’s Homegoing Service, my Mom asked me to take my Uncle Tom to lunch so they could travel back to Enid for the Internment Service scheduled for early afternoon.  Tom simply was not physically or emotionally up for yet another reminder of the loss of his brother.  So, I was out and about with my Uncle Tom.

I have always known he is a good man. When he was a boy he spent months in Children’s Hospital in Oklahoma City with a chronic kidney disease.  He studied watch repair and then moved to carpentry building display cabinets until the orders ran dry.   He never married.  As far as I know, he never dated anyone. He spent his life taking care of my Grandmother until he had a major stroke.  She went to stay with my brother and his family, passing away 18 months later.  Following his stroke, he went to live with my parents and has not been fully able to care for himself for awhile now. I remember how he loved to work on crafts with my grandmother and how they would sell them to make ends meet. He selflessly took care of his mother until he could no longer take care of her himself.

He mentioned something today about not breaking down and crying at his brother’s funeral, how important to him it was that he did not cry even at his own mother’s funeral.

I tried to explain how important it was that he allow himself to cry but he said, “no its better this way”. I love my uncle Tom but he holds back his emotions so no one can see them. Through my experience of loss on a very personal level, I have found that being strong not showing emotions is at best destructive. What happens when you hold back the devastation of grief is simple. It eats you alive, and in most cases where people do this they die inside a little at a time until only hurt remains. When you are all hurt and no relief in sight it eventually kills you.

We have seen it throughout history, when a spouse or a very close relative passes away the one closest to them passes within a year of there death. Is this because they had to be strong, I am not for sure, but I do believe it has something to do with it. Grief will be destructive if you do not deal with it move through each stage eventually if you do nothing it will kill you.

 Grief affects you both mentally and physically, without regard to how strong an individual you are, there is no way to avoid it. My question is why do we as humans hang on to a destructive pattern?

 I am not sure of the answer to this, I am not sure anyone knows who taught us humans to hold back, our emotions. But you hear it in movies all the time, “don’t cry hold on to that, and use it to fight”. But what do you do, when there is no one to fight, when it’s grief that is your enemy! Let that hurt go and let God help you defeat Grief.

 Do you know what love is? Well I do.

Twenty-four years of marriage and it was amazing.  

Yes, it had its up’s and down’s, but we got through them with love and God by our side. But as Martha would remind me THIS TOO SHALL PASS—LIKE A KIDNEY STONE, BUT IT WILL PASS.  Sure enough painful as some of the passages were, God dragged us sometimes kicking and screaming onto the shore. 

Years ago when we lived in Tulsa, we would have my brother Mike and his wife, at the time, Stacy  as well as her sister Stephanie and her husband over to play dominos. We would use M&M’s for when we would have to stop the line, of course we ate more than we used. We had a lot of laughs too. We always accused Stacy of cheating, but she could count the number of dominos and come up with what was left we should have taken her to Las Vegas. Well, that ship sailed, but we had some good times.

When our oldest son, Jonathan, was one he would run down the hall, hit the wall at the corner, stumble backwards before landing on his butt and look bewildered. Being the astute parents we were, first child, you know, it only took a few of these episodes till we took him to the doctor.  We found out he had crossed eyes and needed surgery.  For us this was financially devastating, but we survived, he had seven more surgeries. Love got us through all of these and more.

When my job brought us to Stillwater, we had two more children, with love we made it through. I remember Martha & I would have her friends over I would make pizza for everyone and we would have a blast. Times were simpler then but fun, we even put a mattress in the garage so we could be intimate and not wake up our son. Martha took me for who I was period without fail, I took Martha for who she was period without question. There were times She would get so angry it hurt, but I loved her, and her anger was intense. Afterwards she would not ask for forgiveness from her outburst, I never asked her to but because of my love for her I forgave her. It is what she felt needed to be done, my ability to forgive her was my way of showing her my understanding of what a man needs to do. A man needs to show the love of Christ through actions for his marriage and for his children.  In all fairness, her forgiveness and encouragement of me, her love for our children and her love for God showed me what a Godly wife does.

 Now why did I go through this why did I bring up my wife’s anger, my anger, forgiveness in marriage, because this is how God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit treats us, God will never forsake you, never leave you, he will even forgive you for your mistakes. Without you asking for forgiveness he has already forgiven you, when the bible says if you approach God and ask for forgiveness, he will forgive you. I have found this to be true asking God for forgiveness is not so much for God but for us to forgive ourselves. If you wonder why I believe this read the book of Hosea, what happens there is God telling Israel how he continues to go out and bring them back forgiving them every time.

  That is God’s Love for you and for me.   It keeps no record of wrongs.  It is there without even asking.  One minor catch, you have to receive it.

Last week I wrote that time heals all wounds, guess what All wounds are healed by time but only Jesus can heal the Spiritual hurt. Having gone through the loss of my wife Martha, I have found that the loss is at times overwhelming. I am healing very well because I recognized I needed help. I sought out a grief group and opened to my family, admitting how I was feeling. This is essential for anyone to move forward, it is healthy to grieve, but it is not healthy to stay in that grief. I want you to understand Grief comes at you in many ways, the loss of a Job the loss of a boyfriend or girlfriend. Or even just a friend or pet, as well as when a traumatic experience happens, the loss of innocence from one of those events even more so. Now I am not downplaying the horrific ugly events, they are horrible and devastating, also very wrong so do not think for a moment I am taking away from the emotional impact that these events caused.  But I want to be absolutely, clear on this if you experienced one of these events you are grieving the loss of your security, your innocence. If you hold on to this grief you will never be able to move forward, talk to someone even if it is just God, tell them what happened admit to yourself that it hurt you. This will be the hardest thing to do, but it is what must happen. I do not pretend to Know what you are going through, not even for a moment will I say that. I believe in the reality that the world is out to destroy you because of Sin the Knowledge of good and evil, the knowledge of evil causes people to do horrific things. That is what the devil himself wanted to accomplish when enticing Eve and Adam to eat that fruit. That is why God had to give his son Jesus to die for us, for the forgiveness of our sins, don’t get me wrong these people who commit horrific events need to pay the price for those sins. If our justice system does not do it God will. This I promise you God will make people like this suffer in ways we cannot imagine. How in the world did I get on this subject, I do not Know, but its important to know Hell was created for this purpose, suffering in Hell is forever. If you let that person, to forever keep you in Grief you have been put in a personal hell that will not end ever. You have the power to defeat that hell by admitting what they did was not your fault, not destiny, and not even what God wanted to happen. But because the knowledge of evil exists, then Evil exists, and some people don’t fight evil. The bible says resist the devil and he must flee, look at the word devil and remove the d. this is where evil comes to light. Therefore, it could say resist evil and it must flee, these people who do horrific things are not fighting evil they are embracing it. Just look at Cain, the lord told him that evil is crouching at his door this is like a tiger waiting to pounce. Cain did not fight evil; he embraced it and paid a great price for that evil. This does not excuse these people for they chose to commit great harm to you, they will pay a great price for what they did to you. This I can promise you, but how do you get through this admit you need help. If your family will not listen and believe you find some person who will, because this is what helped Martha, she told me what happen, and it was the beginning of her healing from that hurt and that scar.

I will talk about this again but not for a while I am moving forward with my life, I really hope you can as well.

Love you all

  Yes, it does, how much time it takes, I am not completely sure of I am told it will be determined by what you are willing to admit and let go of. So, here is some questions for all of you, number one, Are you in denial of the wound? If you lose a leg and you deny it is gone when you try to stand up, you will fall. This can be very true for every wound, including the loss of a loved one, or even a traumatic event. Denying those wounds is the first thing anyone would do, but it will not allow you to heal. Denial of an event does not let you move past that event, it does however mess with your mental state. I personally know that this is not good for you or anyone around you. This may be the hardest thing you will ever admit to, it may even cause you great emotional pain. Healing only starts when you begin to realize the truth, admit to yourself that it happened. Then you can move to the next question.

  Number two; are you holding on to anger, are you angry at the traumatic event or person who caused you pain. If you are then you are really damaging yourself and those around you. I know how hard it is to deal with the anger from loss. I also watched Martha deal with this, in ways I cannot talk about because it would betray her, even though Martha is in heaven now. Did you ever think of, how it was possible for Jesus to take all that terrible talk about him? The pain he endured both verbal and physical, it was intense degrading and all by the people he came to save. Then to allow himself to be placed on a cross, which by the way, was considered a curse of insurmountable proportions. He and his father allowed it, then forgave us all. If you can find my train of thought you would see that if God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, can forgive all the people who did those things to Jesus. Then how can we not forgive those who hurt us, or even ourselves. Why hold on to pain that prevents moving forward, I don’t know why. We as humans often spend most of our time remembering past hurts, past scars, instead of moving forward. The absolute truth is we do not need to do this, but pain sears the memory into us humans. This is so we learn from it, just like children when they touch a hot item, learn not to do that again. If you cut yourself it might leave a scar, when you look at that scar you remember when it happened. You might even remember how painful it was, this is normal, but the cut healed didn’t it. The pain is gone now you must let the anger go forgive who you must, then move on. I know it’s hard, I left a job because I was angry, not at the job at the loss of my wife. I know that’s not the same, right? Well that is wrong, it is the same, I had to recognize my anger for what it was. The loss of my wife caused me to be angry, at her, at God, at myself, and everyone around me. This was what I was referring to earlier, I did great damage to myself by holding on to that anger. Now that I let that go, I can move forward. You will be able to move forward too if you admit to yourself, that you are angry then deal with that anger. I will continue this soon till then think on these things will you.

Love in Christ

Hi everyone, I wish that my grief was over, but it is not. If you ask, I will answer with I am ok, I am surviving, or even I am good. The truth is I want my Martha with me, by my side, but that is not going to happen. This is not God’s fault, this is not my fault, this is not Martha’s fault, this is D.N. A’s fault, this is something no one on earth could control, believe me when I say Martha and I did our best to stop it.

Therefore, I am up and down, on top of the mountain when I realize my God took the pain, and disappointment, Martha endured for me away. Giving her a new body in heaven that does not fail to move or fail to see. That makes me Happy, but it comes with the loneliness I feel, the loss, the empty bedroom, and the loss of my best friend that I could tell anything to. The loss is getting easier with each day, but that does not mean I will not cry at things you might see as silly, or question why he is crying.

It is difficult to tell anyone how I am feeling because if I did, I may start crying I may get upset and I may say something you don’t want to hear. Martha was the one I confided in She was the one who knew who I was, Martha was my sounding board, when I was angry with something at work. I tried to find other sounding boards after she got sick, but that always felt wrong and some how got twisted. I did find a sounding board in my Pastor only after Martha died. Because I am old fashioned in my thinking as well as surrounding my self before Martha with people who did not really respect confidence. This included me I was not mature enough to do the right thing always that has been reaped many times repeatedly by people I called friends. This makes it very difficult for me to trust people with my feelings, therefore Martha was so important to me, I could always trust her. This was very hard to say because I know I am guilty of the same things, for this reason I ask forgiveness for anyone I have failed, hurt, or disappointed in my lifetime. Please forgive me!

Have you ever, thought that the world is out to destroy you?

  Well I have news for you, it is not the world who wants to destroy you. The entity that wants to destroy you is evil. In the darkness lurks a spirit determined to keep you from, the most loving as well as only God available for you.

  This evil was an angel that used his pride to believe he could become God, he led two thirds of the angels in a revolt against God. He was cast out of heaven and down to earth, He then set out to condemn God through his creation. (Genesis 3:1) He used the serpent to entice the image of God to believe they too could be like Gods by knowing good and evil. How sad that the knowledge of good and evil, allowed the image of God to see how they failed God (Genesis 3:5-15). But because God loved his creation so much, he gave even Adam and Eve a way to forgiveness. Through Sacrifice of Animals the spilling of animal blood (Genesis 3:21) when God made leather clothing for Adam and Eve, showing them how to do this. This was continued by the son of Adam (Abel, Genesis 4:3-5), as well as Cain Who did not follow the correct procedure, when he brought his sacrifice to God. Evil then had his way with Cain, causing Cain to Kill his brother Able (the first murder) God placed a mark on Cain forever as well as a curse on anyone who killed Cain. God who loved Cain despite the Murder of Able, did not put him to death but cursed him to wander the earth homeless never finding peace. The God in heaven loved all but was separated by the Sin of Man, what would God do to bring Man back. After several years 2000 he had to squelch his anger with how evil Man had become, but he did not want to destroy the work he began. How would God do this? He searched for a family that would meet his standard, righteousness through belief, he found Noah. Noah believed God, God counted this as a new beginning, God had Noah build an ark. This allowed God to start the creation over, however this would not be enough God had to do something about sin. A plan had been set forth to save all of creation from the evil that infected it. Through 2000 years this plan finally came to fruition, A Child born to a virgin Mary, to whom she would give the name JESUS which means (the lord saves). This Gift of his only Son to the Image of God, would not be without trial. Jesus was Crucified (sacrificed on a tree to cover all who believed, in Jesus). A once and for all sacrifice to cover the image of God, allowing anyone in the image of God to become a child of God through belief in and through Jesus. Can you imagine what evil did next, evil set forth to convince all who would listen, not to believe in the saving Grace of God through his Son Jesus. Evil does this in so many ways, but the greatest is the idea that you don’t need forgiveness you have done nothing wrong. Here is one fact, deep in your mind, your heart, and your gut you know good and evil, and you know you have done wrong. Even you who, by Adam where given the knowledge of good and evil, know what sin is, you are separated from a Father who would care for you in your deepest need. Evil does not want you to see the truth of good and evil, evil wants you to continue to believe you are ok. That there is no sin, which is the greatest lie ever told, because if you don’t listen to yourself you will not see through the lie, that feeling deep in your gut calling to you to listen, this is God calling out for you to see Jesus as your savior, freeing you from your sin. Use this moment to get sin free accept Jesus as your lord and savior. It’s not that hard, first believe, then receive, ask the lord Jesus to come into your heart. A simple prayer (God I know that I am a sinner, I ask for your forgiveness, please Lord Jesus come into my heart) God will answer that prayer.

What do you fear that they will judge you, for what, are you afraid they will Kill you? Ha! Is this not what you want, to the ones you love? Or will they see through the cracks that make you normal?

What can they do to you that you have not already experienced? What indignity could they ever bring on you that Satan has not poured out you already. Preach the word God will give you the words to speak. Stop being afraid of them for they, Will call you Stupid, they will call you a liar, they will call you a hypocrite all these things can and will come against you. But who do you serve, them? You do not serve them, you serve the I am, the only God, his son Jesus, the Holy Spirit of the only God. The God who spoke the words let there be light!  God who created Man and women in his own image. Who can defeat him? The answer is no one not one, I have found that the greater the pain, the more powerful a Christian becomes. It’s funny the more they attack Christians the stronger we become, but, it’s not funny at all. The Holy Spirit given to us gives us the strength to do remarkable things including, overcoming death. Living forever with God himself oh how wonderful it is to know that no matter what happens to us as believers in Jesus the Christ. We will be in heaven forever, living forever, hallelujah, praise to God for giving us a way home.

Love you all stand firm in your faith