A letter to my friends and family

Hi everyone, I wish that my grief was over, but it is not. If you ask, I will answer with I am ok, I am surviving, or even I am good. The truth is I want my Martha with me, by my side, but that is not going to happen. This is not God’s fault, this is not my fault, this is not Martha’s fault, this is D.N. A’s fault, this is something no one on earth could control, believe me when I say Martha and I did our best to stop it.

Therefore, I am up and down, on top of the mountain when I realize my God took the pain, and disappointment, Martha endured for me away. Giving her a new body in heaven that does not fail to move or fail to see. That makes me Happy, but it comes with the loneliness I feel, the loss, the empty bedroom, and the loss of my best friend that I could tell anything to. The loss is getting easier with each day, but that does not mean I will not cry at things you might see as silly, or question why he is crying.

It is difficult to tell anyone how I am feeling because if I did, I may start crying I may get upset and I may say something you don’t want to hear. Martha was the one I confided in She was the one who knew who I was, Martha was my sounding board, when I was angry with something at work. I tried to find other sounding boards after she got sick, but that always felt wrong and some how got twisted. I did find a sounding board in my Pastor only after Martha died. Because I am old fashioned in my thinking as well as surrounding my self before Martha with people who did not really respect confidence. This included me I was not mature enough to do the right thing always that has been reaped many times repeatedly by people I called friends. This makes it very difficult for me to trust people with my feelings, therefore Martha was so important to me, I could always trust her. This was very hard to say because I know I am guilty of the same things, for this reason I ask forgiveness for anyone I have failed, hurt, or disappointed in my lifetime. Please forgive me!