When you believe you are alone I see you, with the tears flowing down your cheeks, I see you.

believe it or not I have been feeling very alone, even though the kids are here there is something missing And she is in heaven have a glorious time without me. that sounded very self centered. The only thing that helps at night is the fact that Jesus sees my loneliness He gives me comfort in ways no one else could. That is what it means to have a savior that is alive, He is always with me. With that being said I truly miss someone with me at night to snuggle to talk to and tell her everything. This creates such a need for prayer as well as a need to trust that God has a plan for my life.

I pray tonight that all those who are missing someone have the Lord Jesus in there life, this is my prayer for everyone this Christmas Amen.

I was asked to teach the adult Wednesday class for the second time, this time one of the two people I taught last time went home to be with our lord Jesus. Chuck was the father of Tammy Mathis the pastors wife, so understandably they were not able to be here tonight. Unfortunately no one showed up for the class, so I am going over the material by my self. The subject is Ephesians Ch 2:11-22, how should the church look like outside, inside as well as personally. In this reference we find Paul telling the Ephesian church that everyone is apart of the one group of people we are all sinners, cut out the idea of different color, different languages. We are all of the same group, as that group we need to reach out. Each of us being a part of the body of Christ, the hands, the feet, the mouths, I know there are those who love to talk so use that to spread the Gospel. Instead of using it to tear down other groups, when we are all one group sinners!

Imagine if all of us were to talk to one person about Jesus, ok those of us who love to talk, if that’s ten, or one hundred, our even one million of us and only one tenth comes to belief in Jesus? That would equate to one in the case of ten, ten in the case of one hundred, one hundred thousand in the case of one million of us talkers out there in America what would happen to the church it would Grow and grow and grow which is what happened in the world of the first church. So we must continue this pattern in our lives to destroy the devils Schemes by Talking about our faith. Get out there those of you who love to talk, text, Blog or youtube. let people Know who you believe in and we will change the lives of so many people.

Today a prophecy given to our pastors wife, by Martha my wife just before she past has come true. Martha told Tammy that Chuck, Tammy’s stepfather would pass away next after Martha Died. Chuck Past away last night, this being proof that Martha knew she was going home to God. Martha did not tell me that she knew but, just before she demanded our pastor to come out to the rehab center to plan her funeral. A nurse told me that Martha was having a conversation with some people that were not there. Martha told me she was talking to her mom and someone else but would not tell me who the other person was.

Thanksgiving: When you think of grief, you think of the outward crying, mental shutdown’s, as well as shutting one self off from everyone. You don’t really think of the internal stress that occurs during important dates, Birthdays, holidays, anniversary’s. This week I have experienced the side effect of Grief in very real ways. I have come to the realization of why many spouses don’t live very long after the death of their partner. This week my blood pressure has been higher than allowed and I had to take efforts to bring it under control. The issue is running underneath the venire in the face of reality that they are not there to help you through the stress inherent to the holidays.

I will tell you that I would not have made it this far without God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I can tell you that I have found even when I don’t feel God around he is lifting me up for I would have given up completely without him in my Life. Even with my family support it would not have been possible without God, and my family has been very supportive.

Today was going wonderful except for the fact that I woke up at three am to find myself, heart racing, unable to go back to sleep. Then I see Jerry and find myself helping him, as his wife is in the hospital with hospice. That sounded a little harsh it was not meant that way, I am the one who is supposed to be grieving, but as I found out today I am not the only one I know personally that is suffering loss. his loss is very similar only they have been married longer. I find myself in the awkward situation of being the person who has experienced similar circumstances, making me the perfect solution for help with his needs. Hard to not Help when God is already preparing you to be there for others, Yea me! you see God has a way to help you by helping others through their grief so you can get out of yours. Refusing to help someone else would be the great sin because you have no mercy for them, Therefore God will not have Mercy on you. I have no ill feelings towards Jerry but I find myself not wanting to deal with any of this. It’s not his fault that I have to remember Martha in the hospital, it is not his fault that those memories hurt, It is not his fault that he and his wife are going through similar circumstances as Martha and I. This is how God can use our situations to help others in need and prepare us for the future Jobs that will come up.

When Joseph the dreamer saw his brothers bowing down to him in a dream he had no idea what he would have to endure for that to happen. But we see that God already had a plan for this to occur, then the Israelites had no idea they would have to endure slavery to make them strong enough to defeat any enemy. P.S. (Slavery is terrible and wrong in this day of enlightenment all men and woman should be free). But it is the circumstances that change us we can either grow from it or be destroyed by it, It is our choice and ours alone to meet out no one can do it for us. They can help us though, we should let them, don’t let pride stand in your way.

For twenty-four years I was with the most wonderful woman ever, she asked me out after multiple attempts by me to find out if she was married, had kids or was even interested in dating. I just was so shy I could not find a way to ask her, so she asked me. That first night we hit it off so well that I got scared for a moment, then I chose to stay in the relationship. Mainly because She stood up and called me out on my male stupidity which is why I knew I wanted to be married to her.

We started to date in June 1994, I asked her to marry me in September 1994, we were married on March 25^th, 1995, had our first child on February 6^th, 1996. Wow it was a moving so fast, but we made it 24 years of ups and downs the first had crossed eyes and had to have surgery several times. We moved to the Stillwater area and our second child was born July 29^th, 1999 He was born with a hole in his heart as well as asthma, our third child was born July 5^th, 2001 She had no issues. I was working for Subsite electronics a subsidiary of Ditch Witch when Joshua was born, then I was laid off from Ditch witch and unemployment was not enough to pay the bills.

Martha just kept on loving me and I just kept falling more in love with her each year. She could come up with the quickest responses to just about anything and when she was in pain or sad you would never know it(even though I knew); she would just make a joke about it. This was My wife She was more than amazing. When you are married it is important to completely understand the statement in sickness or in health, richer or poorer. “When you love someone, it does not matter if they are rich, poor, sick or healthy it only matters that they love you back” that is the most important part. Martha and I were not the best at making the right decision when it came down to it, we were always chasing the money, which was always the wrong decision. Right before Martha died She and I decided we would never chase money again Money does not buy happiness, nor does it fix any issues you may have. Martha and I were always closer when things were not going well, this was some of the glue that reminded us we needed each other.

Martha hated to be on a budget, and I hated not having money, so I kept trying to find the increase in funds that would keep us afloat as well as keep us off a budget. I did try to get us on a budget, and it went so well for a while we were even able to buy a home after being forced to sell one. Then we bought two new vehicles after I was promoted, we hit some very bumpy roads I had an allergic reaction to a blood pressure medicine then a few years later a heart attack, then Martha had her first stroke, this forced us into bankruptcy nearly losing everything. But we survived all those things just before she died we had completed our bankruptcy. I lost her to a genetic disorder that my children will have to look out for, even though she was sick it did not diminish my love for her and it did not change her love for me. “love is not just a feeling it is a commitment to a person, even when you might not like them at the time, or like the situation you are in. When they seem irrational or angry at you, you stay because they complete you”. Martha loved me and I loved her she could have hated me for my screwups and I could have hated her for her angry outburst (which no one outside of this house ever saw), I could have hated her for not wanting to be on a budget, She could have hated me for taking the job in Louisiana but she didn’t, we continued to love each other. When the strokes had gotten so bad I took a job that I did not want so I could come home to take care of her. Love is that willing to drop everything for your love.

This Love is demonstrated throughout the Bible you just have to look.

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
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• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

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