T.Scott.Kisler

 The Dragon of Grief has one claw greater than all the others. This claw will bring even the best believers to the valley of death, where only God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit can guide you through. Its Name is depression the power of feeling alone, lost, extremely sad, it can mess with your beliefs destroy your desire to have relationships. Even make it difficult for you to leave the homestead. This makes living hard, this Dragons claw is extremely fierce it pierces the very depths of your soul. The dragon called grief uses this claw the most for he can retract it, making the Knight believe he has defeated it, then the dragon returns with this claw through pictures of his queen stabbing deep into his heart and soul. If that is not enough a friend of the kings spouse dies, then its like watching it happen all again. Grief strikes again destroying all the healing, tearing open the wounds from before. So, each morning the Knight must put on his armor over wounds that seem to never heal! The pain rises and falls as his family continues to help him bandage his wounds. The Knight knows he needs more help, he puts out a call to all other knights and queens where do I get more help? They all reach out pointing him to the round table called GriefShare, where other Knights, and Queens battle the great Dragon Grief.  They battle this great Dragon by sharing what happened what it did to them, how they are fighting this Dragon grief. The funny thing is, when they are talking about what this dragon is doing the pain starts to diminish during that hour, they have relief from the Dreaded Dragon. This time allows the wounds to heal, the wounds are not gone just healing. Praise God there is healing going on. This last until the next day, the Dragon Grief says out loud, do you think you, can get away from me. The Knight smiles at Grief, With God, all things are possible! With my friends, family, church, the Grief Share round table I will win. Get behind me Grief or I will strike you down by the word of my testimony and the word of God.

Oh God help me….. the Knight screams this dragon is too great for me. So he seeks out help for he is near defeat, The Knights Pastor Seth, his Wife Tammy come to help in the fight. The first claw in the Knights heart is confusion, also know as shock. He was unable to think what is the next step, he could not really fathom that the dragon DNA defeated his queen. Or that the dragon Grief had taken hold of him, this Knight thought he had prepared for all the attacks but he was not. As the Knights Pastor Seth, his Wife Tammy battled the dragon Greif, the claw of confusion slowly comes free. The other claws dig deeper, as the claw of shock is removed by the Knights Pastor and his Wife Tammy. The claw of denial and anger stab at the Knights chest, He realized the truth about these claws, that they could only be removed by admitting the truth to himself. His beautiful, smart, intelligent, loving, God loving bride was in heaven, and there was nothing he could do, but keep living for Jesus! This way he would see his Queen again, then suddenly the Knights where able to remove the claws of denial and anger chopping them off with their swords of prayer. The Knight continued to struggle with the Dragon of Grief, it still had several claws in his heart and mind. This Battle may take more than a year, therefore the Knight must be strong, in faith, in love, in mercy and the grace of God. So he cries out again God give me strength……. to be continued

As men we take on the role of the Knight in shining armor. Who is supposed to be the protector of his family. Working and fighting all the Dragons who would see them go homeless, hungry, and sick. Defeating the enemy at every turn, traveling as far as he needs to keep the enemy away. This enemy is not visible to anyone but him, the Knight and his Queen are the only ones who could see the Dragons. Dragons that come to destroy the life they have tried to build. What the Knight does not see is the enemy DNA, a silent, invisible Dragon that waits to destroy His bride. He defeats the Dragons he sees, when he thinks he has destroyed all the dragons and life will be Dragon free. Out of the darkness DNA strikes the Queen, leading the dragons, called Arterial sclerosis, Diabetes, and Age. These vicious Dragons lie in wait striking with warning, the first strike after the queen births three beautiful Children, the dragon Diabetes strikes. The knight knows it cannot be defeated but this dragon can be put on a chain, controllable, or so he thought. DNA is insidious for it works with other dragons to defeat the queen. Diabetes strikes with neuropathy in the queens feet, making it difficult for her to walk, destroying her efforts to be healthy. He then sends the dragon cranial arterial sclerosis, this dragon cannot be seen, it strikes with precision taking the queens left arm, it was not totally successful for the Knight found a doctor who was able to temporally restore most of the queens arm. For awhile the battles took him away from his queen, the insidious dragon arterial sclerosis attacked again only this time with greater widespread damage. All the Knight could do, is return home to take care of his Queen, his beautiful queen would for the next few months fight the dragon with all her might. But in the end she could not defeat the vicious invisible dragon, he had taken his toll, destroyed her brain taking all that she was away from the Knight. How could the Knight fight something he could not see what could he have done, these where his thoughts as the dragon grief took its hold forcing its talons into his chest toying with his thoughts. Then the dragon Guilt tried to attack, the Knight pulled his powerful two edged sword (the bible) out and defeated the dragon Guilt. But grief continued to plunge its talons into the Knight, he continued to fight the battle. The Knight knew he could not fight this battle on his own. So he called out to the other Knights to help him defeat the dragon grief, all of the other Knights called out this ones big its going to take some time. The Queens Knight cried out help me, oh God save me…….to be continued.

Love you all in Jesus Name

Where do I begin? It began in 2018 and has not ended yet. I don’t know if it is better too have a loved one pass away quickly without warning, or know they are passing away a piece at a time. I unfortunately had to deal with the later, Martha passed away one piece at a time, I am fortunate that she did not lose her intelligence or ability to talk to me. At least until the end, I watched her take the last breath and leave this world behind in peace, Knowing She was going to be next to Jesus. It was, is still the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, 2019 has not gone the way I wanted. Martha’s forth stroke in twelve months December 18th 2018, began the end for my wife twelve more strokes in eight months passing away in august 2019. Life is difficult to say the least, but right now even more so. Grief is hard to explain to someone to whom has not experienced it, but I will try. Do you remember your first love, how hard it was on you when you broke up? Take that feeling, multiply it by one billion, twist it like a knife in your chest, then try to get out of bed in the morning. Martha was my wife, lover, and friend for twenty four years, She is also one of three women I have dated, total in my lifetime. I know this is rare, you could call me old fashioned but I love with everything I have. Truth be known I still love my first Girlfriend, in a different way but I do, still have those feelings. As I am sure everyone out there, still have feelings for your fist girlfriend or Boyfriend. So every morning I get up take the steps to move forward, but sometimes end up right back in bed. I want to find the next step so I can move forward, I cling to the one constant I have Jesus my lord and savior. God is the only strength I have at the moment Jesus helps me move one step at a time. Without my family, Bible,and church, I would not even get out of bed. This year I will embark on a new journey, to get where God wants me, to speak the truth to all that will hear it. That is my new years resolution, move forward to the place God wants me to be. This blog is the first step in the healing I need, so all can see, who God is how he has helped me through this year.

Love you all in Jesus name

I have edited this poem to truly represent how I am right now, please if you like this share it.

He was truly lost in the way he loved, for he was not able to see himself in love anymore.

So many times, did the loss shine, for what he lost was too dear to replace, how could he love again?

It is that thought that permeates his soul, how can he love again when the one he lost was so dear to him.

It is through the night when the shadows come, the heart sinks, the demons whisper you will never love again.

He cries out to Jesus, help me lord I want live again, Jesus responds you are alive, I am with you.

The thief of the night has no power over you, he is defeated, and you are free.

Love will come when the pain subsides, trust in me I will be your guide.

He calls out again, and praises the lord, for his comfort in the night, I praise you oh Lord for all you do.

For lifting me up when I am down, showing your love for me so I might love again.

You touch the sinner and the just, and reach out when they call, praise you oh God for your Son, and your Holy Spirit.

It lifts my heart, from the depths of despair, from the valley of death you carry me, so that my tired soul can be  refreshed, by the living waters in your word.

I praise you oh Lord, for the things you do, I pray that my heart always hears your voice. Let me stand in the peace of your words. AMEN

They were truly lost in the way they loved, for they are not able to see themselves in love anymore.

So many times, did the loss shine, for what they lost was too dear to replace, how could they love again?

It is that thought that permeates their souls, how can one love again when the one they lost was so dear to them.

It is through the night when the shadows come, the heart sinks, the demons whisper you will never love again.

He cries out to Jesus, help me lord I want live again, Jesus responds you are alive, I am with you.

The thief of the night has no power over you, he is defeated, and you are free.

Love will come when the pain subsides, trust in me I will be your guide.

He calls out again, and praises the lord, for his comfort in the night, I praise you oh Lord for all you do.

For lifting me up when I am down, showing your love for me so I might love again.

You touch the sinner and the just, and reach out when they call, praise you oh God for your Son, and your Holy Spirit.

It lifts our hearts, from the depths of despair, from the valley of death you carry me, so my tired soul can revive.

I praise you oh Lord, for the things you do, may my heart always hear your voice.

Today in church the Holy Spirit showed up, for all who where there to worship God. I felt his presence on the way to church as well as when I got up this morning, I went to church expecting Him to be there.

Everyone needs to understand, I know God, Jesus his Son, and The Holy Spirit, They are my friends, my family, and My Lord. I have family here on earth and I love them, I have family who have already gone home to heaven, I envy them as well as miss them. I truly miss Martha and some days wish I had gone with her when she died. That is normal when you spend twenty four years married to a person you love, it is also normal for everyone you love. I would not have it any other way, I have begun to understand why grief is a good thing, it reminds you that Love is important. The line, it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. This became real to me this year and I believe it to be true. Grief also reminds you how human you are, there is no greater emotional impact on your life, than to lose someone you truly loved. So why did I write all of that, With the beginning about how God showed up at church this morning? Well here we go, in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life“. God gave us his only Son to be tortured, crucified, and die, as the perfect sacrifice so we can be forgiven for our sins. This removed the separation from God, so his Spirit could meet us where we are. The Word of God showed us that God grieved, the sun went dark, the earth quaked, as well as the temple curtain that separated the people from the holy of holies was torn from the top to the bottom. We cannot understand that kind of love without grief, we cannot understand the true sacrifice of God, without understanding death. Now Jesus was resurrected, but God grieved, we know that we are made in Gods image therefore if God grieves we do too. I believe that Gods Spirit Showed up today to meet with me, and everyone that was there. But he meet with me at the moment I needed confirmation of his presence in my life. The moment I needed confirmation of this blog. He confirmed what I am doing is important, not Just for me.

I love you all,

I have heard so many reasons for grief, But none really touch, the way it makes you feel. Lets talk about it for a moment; there are five stages of grief, first is denial, so I actually went through this in December 2018, this is when the first of twelve strokes began. I had to leave a good job, move back home to take care of Martha. But I truly believed she would get better, then another stroke in February the 14th. This is where I went through the next stage I got angry, I was not back home yet and nobody saw this stage. In March she had another, then in April another. June she looked like she was getting better, So back to denial. Then two strokes at the same time put her back in the hospital, so back to the anger stage. Ye ha, the ups and downs of grief, I felt we were owed something good but then another stroke. Deep in my heart I knew the answer was not good but I had to keep up the smiling face. Continue to be the man, I was seeing the love of my life taken from me a piece at a time. This was the roller coaster I was going through, Then Martha went home to be with the Lord. Then shock wow I could not think, I could not move. I loved her, so even though I thought I was reaching the next stage, I was not. For the next few weeks I could not really think, I became depressed but denying this in a way. Now I believe I have finally reach what is called the bargaining stage, this is where you try to find meaning in life, reach out to others, and tell stories about the one you lost and how it affected yourself. You also find your own story, who am I, what am I going to do next, how does this define me. The next stage is acceptance I have to move forward and right now I am stuck but exploring ideas on how to do the next right thing. I have found that I faced grief over leaving my job in Louisiana, I faced grief in the loss of my wife. So up and down the grief stairs, but has it changed me? I don’t know but I am working on it.

So why grief? The grief process is there to show you that you are normal, that you did care, if you thought that you did not, it is there to make you realize who you are, Who you can be. Grief is there to help you make since of loss, if you were not able to grieve you would go insane, trying to understand death.

I have heard that some pastors have taken the idea of a virgin birth to task. As well as the idea God could cause a women to become pregnant without sex. I find this to be so short sighted, I find it wrong as well. For a pastor to come to this conclusion is beyond me, they would have to delete the request from God of Mary in Luke 1:35-38, those pastors also take this to mean Mary was raped. The reference to the Holy Spirit coming upon her, this is the same reference of the holy spirit coming upon king Saul. The old testament 1 Samuel 10:6 then the spirit of the Lord will come upon you and you will prophesy with them. you will be changed into a different person. The Spirit of the lord does not physically attack you. It comes upon you like a gentle dove, then it changes you for God purposes. The next line God will overshadow you, Psalms 91 He/she that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. Rape requires another element that is missing here, it requires an unwilling participant Mary was not unwilling she said “yes I am a servant of the Lord; let this happen according to your word”. In those same days Mary went to see her cousin Elizabeth, why? To verify the word of the lord, did she know for sure she was pregnant, I believe that the moment when Elizabeth pronounced that her child leaped in her womb. That was the moment Mary knew, for sure all that had been said had become true. What does this mean? If Mary had been raped she would have known something had happened to her, She would not have gone to her cousins to check the word of the Lord.

This has been weighing on my mind for a long time, mainly because pastors who believe this theory delete the virgin birth which deletes the sovereignty of the Lord Jesus. and that is just not true.

Love you all more later.

As we begin to end one of the most celebrated days of the year, you might be feeling a little down. Calm down this is normal for everyone, I mean everyone, who is an adult. As adults the let down is that we have to continue to move forward. Go back to our jobs, get older, lose Family members. Maybe someone very close to you, since we can not reverse time we have to endure some of the most heart retching events. Life is hard and you can not change that at all. So what do we do? there is a blessing in the fact that we have a deep desire to live. This desire we will call self preservation is woven in to us by our creator. This is not a punishment, God has a plan for us, he will help us in our times of need. This is the promise as well as the love given to us, God gave us a way to him, believing in Jesus is our hope for eternal life with the ones we lost. in John 3:16 for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son Jesus. And anyone who believes, as well as trust in him will have everlasting life. This is the reason we celebrate the day of his birth, and why we give each other gifts. But without the reason there is no celebration or justification for the Gifts.

As children the excitement was great, we could not wait to open presents to see what we got. We were always happy to get those gifts, but we did not completely understand the significance of the season. Growing we up heard the stories of Jesus but to really understand you had to truly understand the cost. Children don’t because they are interested in the gift, not the sacrifice, by the way this is normal as well. We all want our children to love Christmas, we want them to understand the gift. Well those of us who believe that God gave us his son, Jesus to save all of us from everlasting torment do. So what do we do with the emotions after Christmas we love, we care, we believe and we remind our children why we celebrate. This is how we move forward, reminding them also reminds us so we can move forward. Knowing that we have the grace and mercy of God the creator of the universe.

Love you all have a great day!

For the Christmas’s past, all must remember the ones who believed, that have past.

Even in death their hearts showed their strength, their voices continue to praise the lord.

This is their legacy that we need to celebrate, we are their memories, as we are still here. So I would like to remember a few individuals that gave so much, The first is Martha my wife. Martha left for heaven Aug 2019 she was a force to be reckoned with, She could find the funny in every situation. Martha felt love fearlessly for her children, and she loved me, This I know for a fact. She also felt love for her brother, sister in-law, nieces, cousins, as well as her friends. The second: was Grandma Ivy she was the most wonderful, loving person so talented with her hands. Third: Grandpa Kisler such a very smart person, he could do so many things, and did. Forth: Grandma Kisler she would come over anytime I was sick bring hot tea and let me sweeten it as much as I wanted, I will never forget this memory. Fifth: Aunt Kay Kisler, she was amazing she loved everyone even those who hurt her. Sixth: Grandpa Ivy he taught me how to fish, he loved to fish, he also loved his family. Seventh: Martha’s mom Neta Davis She was so wonderful, she loved her grandchildren so much she was so devoted to God. Eighth: Uncle Billy he had a lot of problems that ended up in prison, these problems were created by drugs. which he was able to beat, He was a really fun to be around.

This list does not put the importance of anybody, this list is for remembering those who have moved to everlasting, life that had an impact on my life in so many ways. I hope that all of you take a moment, to remember those who made an impact, on your life that is no longer here on earth. But work on the ways they Impacted you, made you laugh, gave you memories that mattered to you. Also allow for God to give you encouragement through these memories. I know I will never forget them.

Love you all Merry Christmas

Went to see the new frozen movie tonight with Gabby my daughter it had great music that will pull on your heart strings. It had a profound effect on me when Anna(Kristen Bell) sings the next right thing. This song has grief written all over it, this song explains what we all must do when loss destroys the thing we worked for. Grief is a cold, dark place that is overwhelming, I do not know how anyone who does not know Jesus as their savior can make it through. This song the next right thing is exactly what God wants us to do, the next right thing one step at a time until we get out of the darkness that is grief. Now for the disclaimer the movie Frozen II, has as does the first, a druid like feel for the earth, this plays up the idea that earth, fire, water, wind, adding ice queen as the fifth element to complete the group. The one thing that both movies state is that love conquers all that is very true with one added thing, the love of God conquers all nothing less works. Without faith in that God and his son Jesus as well as the Holy Spirit there is no way to conquer anything. I love the lord Jesus forever and always, I will always love Martha that will never leave me, but I must do the next right thing. One step, one moment, one second at a time, one of my all-time favorite quotes from a movie is from Rocky Balboa ” The world is not all sunshine and rainbows, it’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. Not you me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. but it isn’t how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward!” he goes on but you get the picture. I have been hit hard but I will keep moving forward until God calls me home. Because I know I am worth it, I know God is worth it, and I know my kids are worth it. AMEN

Love you all, keep moving forward

Today I find myself sad, not because of anything frustrating or memorable just sad, guess what this is normal. The loss of someone causes a rift in the time space continuum for anyone who loved someone. That loss causes heart pain that comes and goes away, at a moments notice. There was a funeral for a man just last week, that I missed for two reasons the first was because, I had already planned a visit to Ruston. The second was because I was a coward, yep I said it coward just a few months after Martha’s funeral, I found myself afraid to go so with an excuse already available I took it to miss the funeral. But I may have hurt someone in the process, not on purpose but by not being there when I should have been. I truly wish I could turn back time and go but for us time is linier, so all I have is an apology for people who care about me and I care about.

This is the nature of grief problems that come out of nowhere making you not want to go out. People may not understand any of this, that’s ok the love you have for the one you lost is your personal thing to deal with not theirs, if you can find someone to talk to it helps. To get back to the rift when loving someone you lost you find yourself remembering the littlest things which take you back to when they where here with you. Those memories are like a rift in time then suddenly you snap back, happy that you remember, then sad because you did. This is why I write for all to see so maybe what I am experiencing will help others.

Love you all

What does it really symbolize: for me it shows Martha’s unfailing love of Jesus Christ the greatest gift God could give to us. Putting up the Christmas tree has always been a chore for me not a pleasure. I have always had a difficult time with the commercializing of what is supposed to be celebration of the birth of my lord and savior. I actually Know that Jesus was born in what would be the spring for us here in the United States. When celebrating Easter we should also be celebrating our Lords Birth. I am not sure when the church decided to change it, I can look it up, I suppose but that is really not why I am writing about this. I loved my Martha so for her and the kids I helped put up the tree, This has become even more difficult this year. I have put it off until today and I am finding that getting moving is as difficult as the actual work ahead. Why is this so difficult this is Martha’s favorite holiday, Martha is in heaven praising God I am here on earth. Even though I have to keep going forward it has been more difficult to do, than I thought it would be. So how do I do it, I do it with God He is my strength my support therefore I will put up this tree today. For my family, for my Lord, for my wife who is in heaven this will be hard but it will be a good thing. I am moving forward this day in steps to deal with this grief, I love you Martha so up goes the Christmas tree!

What a Question, when you lose your right arm Ie. your spouse, you begin to Question who you are. You have been married for years and they completed who you where, and now what? Finding that out is beginning to cause me a little trouble, I was the Husband who worked all day and even out of town. Just so we could get to a point that was ok financially well now what do I do? I am not even sure where to start, so I write to get out these feelings of confusion, self doubt, I went to Ruston to see what I was feeling about the previous job. I found good friends, as well as love from those friends, that was encouraging, and uplifting. So now who am I, I was Martha’s husband who worked too much poured his time into others as well as a business that will feel the impact of that service for years to come. I am always willing to try to fix issues no matter what they are which is part of who I am, always trying to help. I spent eleven years serving people and a great business, I pray right now God shows me where to go next. Now to help me I am asking all of my friends what you think I am good at please pray about it and comment be honest.

In the darkness the lily shines from the light of the moon

Its beauty is not lost nor is it afraid, it blooms

The faith of the lily is strong knowing that even in death it will bloom again

Not losing its beauty because of the God who created it

The sparrow continues to fly it continues to believe

In its ability to fly because of the God who created it

The lion roars its mighty roar even when no one is around to hear it

Because he knows the one who created him will hear him

This is the nature of the life he created for them.

The whale swims the ocean knowing there will be more to the sea

Sings his song with faith Knowing that his worship will reach to the heavens

With faith the child tries to stand knowing there’s something to do something to see

With faith a child begins to speak, with faith he sees each day as something new and delightful

With innocence the child sees the love of God.

This is the nature of all things created to have faith.

By: T.Scott Kisler

Today was excellent I went to Church in Ruston, La. then surprised team members at a Christmas party. I had a lot of fun, but now I am worn out, have to drive back in the morning.

I have a thought when you are at your last thread of emotional strength find your friends get them together have a party play games laugh until you are tired. Then call on God for rest, then go to bed sleep get up in the morning to start over. Because the lord is your strength, he is your greatest supporter, you will be better for it.

Love you all may God bless your day

Lets start out with this, I am not perfect but I have experience, After more than ten years of seeing the good the bad and the ugly of restaurant hospitality. I cannot go to a restaurant without judging the servers even of other tables. I went to a popular place tonight the food was incredible and I will go back because of that. But the server for my table and others was either new or having the worst day ever, I admit if you are serving me you had better be good at it. This is because I am a stickler for Hospitality, May God soften my heart for all servers. But if a person only orders appetizers don’t look at them as if your day has just been ruined. If your friends come in and sit in your section treat them like you do everyone else, this means don’t ignore your other guest. My drink was empty, I was ready for the check sat there ignored for awhile. She/he even had to be told by another server she/he had new guest. Don’t get me wrong I left the appropriate tip for good service so maybe if she/he sees me again she/he will treat me better. I will tell you I do not know her/him story, I have to ask forgiveness for this post because if Martha was here she would have told me to stop being mean. give the Girl/boy a break, and she would be right, as always that is why I did not mention the name of the restaurant. I also have to forgive him/her for not being the best, because I am not the best at things people want to complain about as well. It is also true that all have fallen short of the Glory of God therefore I forgive the poor service and ask you all to forgive me for this post.

I forgot to put the scripture reference and the promise, Luke ch 1:5-22 the announcement of John the Baptist birth the one who will make the path straight.

Had the most interesting thought, when Zechariah was in the holy of holies an Angel of the Lord appeared to him, he was understandably scared. The Angel speaks to him saying don’t be afraid, (News flash, if an Angel of the lord appears to you out of no where I promise you will be afraid). He had no idea why the Angel was there but this had to be big for him! Zechariah makes a big mistake right here he had doubts and asked for proof. He then pays for it with proof by silence, his unbelief caused him to be the sign of the truth. For nine months and eight days Zechariah was unable to speak, It was only when asked what to name the child, he wrote the name John his ability to speak was back then he blessed God. Think about this? what if he had just believed The angel Gabrielle would have given him an event to prove what he was saying was true! throughout the history of angels a corresponding event is given to the person the angel appears to. All Zechariah had to do is believe.

It is amazing truly amazing that throughout the history of the Bible believing is the way to salvation, people made righteous through belief. Abram later Abraham believed and God counted it unto righteousness leading to salvation. Moses puts up a bronze Snake all the Israelites had to do after being bit by a deadly snake was to look up at the bronze snake and believe they would live. Saved by belief, then God sends his Son Jesus and all people have to do is really believe in Jesus accept that God sent him to die in our place then they would be saved from Hell. eternal life of heaven with God.

My prayer for today is that all of you believe that Jesus is the lord of your life.